just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's rum buckets o'clock
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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