Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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