THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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