I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
