if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
