Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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