You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I want a musical about memes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
