Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
