I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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