Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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