Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
