I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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