I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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