YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
