hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
