Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
