Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
