my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
don't judge my taste in strippers
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
