you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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