I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
