So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's never too late to be topless.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
