I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
