hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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