You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
