I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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