How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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