If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The uberlube is also flammable
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
