After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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