I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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