I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
