I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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