I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What a dumb baby whore.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
