We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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