i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
