Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
my poor anus
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
