rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
