he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
