Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
