You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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