I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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