The maid of honor just puked.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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