ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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