All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
