oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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