New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love you.
Bad choice
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
