I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
