My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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