you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time