I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"