I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on