dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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