i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
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What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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