We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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