Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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