wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
