He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
