Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
