Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
