he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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