Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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