Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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