that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You should frame my arrest warrant.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
