I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
